Nestle. Yet again...

I was asked by a colleague, who we'll call Jillian to write a complaint to Nestle about a nail clipping that she found in her Allen's Strawberry and Cream lollies.

Needless to say, she was extremely pissed off.  Here it is:

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Dear Sir/Madam,


I have a complaint for you.


I have just eaten half a pack of your Strawberries and Cream lollies. Once upon a time, I thought that these were the yummiest lolly you made, but now I want to throw them up.


Please indicate why it is that you think that I might want to barf up the lollies that I ate. Is it because:

1. I ate too many of these;
2. I ate rather a lot far too quickly;
3. Someone doused mine in syrup of ipecac; or
4. Someone’s fingernail clipping was embedded in one of the lollies.

If you answered (4), then you are 100% correct. Do you know that warm feeling you get when you return from the toilet to your drink at the table and take a swig and the boys politely inform you casually that while you were away they’ve all placed their penises in your glass?


I must admit, having never played football (or been a boy) I can’t say that I do, but I’m sure that you get the idea. I feel really quite nauseous and angry right about now.


I would like this rectified right now. Whilst I’m not sure what adequate compensation would be, I’m certain that a fresh box of lollies, carefully screened for similar contamination before dispatch would be just, I’m not really sure that I want to touch any more Strawberries and Cream lollies at the moment.


Please contact me immediately to negotiate.


Yours sincerely,




Jillian.

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She has reserved the right to make amendments.  But she also sent me a picture, too: