Thursday, 9 July 2009

Yarra City Council Complaint

To whom it may concern (if anyone actually cares),

I recently received a parking ticket in the mail for a fine received in Fitzroy. Whilst I am not displeased with receiving the fine, what I am annoyed about is the councils persistence to claim I was the driver, and thus the reason for this email.

Whilst I am sure that every single person at the City of Yarra is law abiding and has never, ever been in my situation, and thus can understand that you wouldn't even know what this situation feels like, I thought I'd try and spell it out to you as I am feeling like a convict from the first fleet.

My issue stems from the fact that I am a law abiding citizen, and currently have no warrants to my name, and that I wasn't the driver of the vehicle at the time of the infringement, yet you still persist to send me fine increase after fine increase demanding that I cough up more, and more money, for an infringement that I clearly wasn't the driver for. "Did you nominate the actual driver?" I hear you vehemently ask. Well actually yes I did, TWICE, yet this doesn't seem to matter as I apparently sent the form in 15 days too late.

Unlike everyone at the Yarra City Council who have got all their friend's details at their very fingertips whenever they need them, I on the other hand had to find out who was driving my car that day and get in contact with them to find out their details. One may assume that you lot only have one friend each, and they're probably related, thus remembering their address and license number could be a hobby of yours, but us in the real world who treat people fairly have amassed several of these so called "friend" things you may hear about out there in the society. Now, since I lent my car to an actually household of friends, I then had determine which one it was driving that day. Once I did this I then found out his license details, filled in the form and sent it back to you.

The next correspondence I got was an enforcement order notice from the Magistrates Court of Victoria, which I assumed meant you a) couldn't be bothered processing my request, and b) felt it necessary to charge me more for an offence not committed by myself. It's so much fun filling the councils coffers isn't it?! I then filled out the form received from them to say AGAIN that I wasn't the driver, followed by silence again, and now followed by another correspondence "Notice of intention to issue an infringement warrant". Nice to see the consistency in that the Magistrates Court of Victoria in that they also don't listen or care.

The solution.....well apparently I have to write a letter to the registrar of appeals, and have the matter dealt with in court. One word that immediately sprang to mind SCUM. A festering vampire on the wallet of society. Revenue raising, non caring and scandalous. I hope to never be alleged of any crime and have anyone from the council on the jury. With your nonchalant approach "I don't care if he didn't commit the murder, he didn't hand his forms in on time, string him up!" will be your battle cry.

Shame on you. Shame on me for looking for a fair go from a revenue raising archaic organisation like yourselves.

Yours insincerely,

Normal Human

Friday, 30 January 2009

Is this the greatest complaint letter ever?

Oliver Beale wrote this to Virgin boss, my colleague the Reverend Sir Richard Branson. In it, he used lines like:

"You don't get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it's next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That's got to be the clue hasn't it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in..."

"Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking it's more of that Baaji (sic) custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It's mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month."

I've gotta say, it's pretty good.

Here's the full thing here.

What do you think? I gave it 5 stars myself.