Thursday, 30 August 2007

Answer from Nestle!!!! More Freebies!!!!

Dear Ms Forder (Friend who I wrote this for)

We are concerned to learn of your experience with your recent purchase of one of our products, ALLENS Party Jumbo Pack 570g.

Prior to packing, the sweets are jumble sorted and generally speaking the balance of sweets is fairly even. However, it would appear that the balance of assortments in the packet which was purchased was caused by a failure in the product blending system.

We would hasten to assure you that failures of this nature are rare and are usually detected and rectified by our machine operators prior to final packing.

Thankyou for reporting this matter as it allows us to investigate and take steps to prevent such occurrences happening in the future.

Please accept a cheque as reimbursement for replacement product.

Yours Sincerely,

H Kennedy

Encl. Cheque $20.00

Thursday, 16 August 2007

Nestle Complaint

I was asked to write this for a friend. Passive I know but hey, how upset can you get about this?

To whom it may concern,

For many years now I have had much personal enjoyment from many of the fine products that your company distributes. This is due to the wide variety that Nestle produces and the exceptional quality standard that you maintain. Unfortunately this has come to a grinding halt and left me somewhat disenchanted with a particular product of yours.

For several weeks now I have been purchasing the Neslte Allens 570g “Party Mix” from the Safeway store at Roxburgh Park. I have chosen to do this for one reason specifically. That reason is because I am particularly fond of the “Bananas” that you make. This would be a most auspicious situation except for one thing. There doesn’t seem to be any more than one or two “Bananas” in the entire pack. I have not purely based this on buying one or two packets of your product either. For over 4 weeks now I have purchased no less than 16 packets of your “Party Mix” and have found that the situation continues to reoccur.

The most accurate definition of “Mix” in relation to this situation in the dictionary states: “A commercially prepared mixture of dry ingredients”. Now, having done my homework, I find it hard to believe that there are on average; 12 snakes, 6 black cats, 8 jelly babies, 5 strawberry creams and 5 pink things for whom the name escapes me, in every pack. Yet, only 1 or 2 bananas ever make it! Correct me if I am wrong, but this does seem a little out of balance to say the very least. There are only three reasons I can think of that would cause this. Either 1: The “mixing” machine you use performs extremely poorly. 2: Somehow the QLD banana crisis has affected how many lolly bananas go into your packets or 3: It simply costs you more to produce these bananas and therefore you purposely restrict the amount that ends up in your packets.

Obviously in anyone’s right mind it will be the third reason which leaves me most disheartened with Nestle. As I stated earlier, up until now I have always had the reassurance when buying a Nestle product that I would be satisfied with the quality, but unfortunately here, it seems that you have dropped the ball and put yourselves in the same category as three quarters of the rest of the sub-standard products and companies in the market.

Having tried to locate an Allens packet of just bananas alone to fix this problem for myself has thus far not been fruitful (pardon the pun) and seeing your bananas are the only ones that I like, puts me in a most unfavourable position. I would ideally like to continue purchasing your products but at this stage, if this type of “skimming” or “cost cutting” continues I will be forced to select another inferior product from one of your competitors because I would rather do that than be seemingly ripped off each time. I realise that this is only a minute problem in your grand company but one that could spill over into further products in the future. This, I would be most upset to see which is why I am bringing it to your attention now.

In any event, I, as a consumer of several of your products, would love to see an improvement in this area and restore my faith in the Nestle brand which I have spent a lifetime getting to know and feel safe with.

Any action or response to this feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Yours sincerely

Wednesday, 15 August 2007

Optus = Twat, Loser, Inbred

Dear Whoever,

Congratulations on breaking your own world record of 3 complaints in 3 months. You’ve surpassed all expectations by moving to 4 complaints in 3 months. This being the 4th complaint, about….you guessed it my non existent phone line.

Once again a technician was sent out fix our phone line, and once again they exclaimed that the line wasn’t connected at HQ so they couldn’t do anything. Once again I was put through the agony of calling through to Optus customer service, and then being transferred to every person in the entire building, explaining my circumstances over, and over again. The reason I get to speak to so many call centre operators? Well it’s not because I have a craving to socialise with your staff, it’s in fact about two little words, “call stats”. PAINFULL!!!!!

Well the buck stops here! I have now had 3….count them 3, technicians at my house now. All of them have said the same thing “we can’t help”, and yet when I called today I was asked if I wanted ANOTHER one to be sent out. SURE, why don’t you send 50 out, and we can have a “I can’t do jack sh*t party” where once again I end up being shafted!

Seriously, I’m not asking you to perform brain surgery, or map the solar system, and surely there is a logical reason why our phone doesn’t work, that doesn’t involve sending out another useless technician?! Either sort it out or be declared the most useless company in the world. The Telco that couldn’t connect a phone line. Wow, it doesn’t get much lower.

Thursday, 9 August 2007

I can't believe they would question my integrity! - Spud reply

Dear Clay,

As stated in my first email, the situation was not one of apology, but one of solving the situation with haste so no other customers were aware of the situation. I can say with complete confidence that my friend was not offered an apology, she was however offered another spud, for which she declined. She then had to ask for a refund, which I thought was ludicrous in the fact that it should have been the first thing offered. When I eat out at a restaurant and I receive something I didn’t order, the restaurants first step after an apology would be to offer the meal for free. Just because you have an “outlet” doesn’t excuse you from becoming a hot dog stand.

I can imagine that when faced with any issue one becomes defensive, so I can understand the franchisees response to the complaint. Regardless of how busy the store was, customers once again should be the number 1 priority, not just money. I can say however that I’m not out to “get” anyone and have certainly been truthful in my account of the events. The only reason I have complained on my friend’s behalf is that she simply said she would never use Spudbar again, and I mentioned that if no one makes them aware of their mistakes then they will never be able to rectify the situation for the benefit of all their other customers.

I am certainly open to helping you resolve this matter and am available for further comment if needed.



Spud response # 2

Dear Cameron,

Thank you for your email.

To ensure this doesn’t happen again the Franchisee and Staff will be required to attend additional training and satisfy the assessment criteria for Module 24 of the Spudbar Franchisee Induction Program ( Customer Service ).

Please note that I have phoned the Franchisee who was in the store at the time of the incident. She has advised that the store was busy and she couldn’t spend the time with the customer that she would have liked to. She has however confirmed that an apology was offered and a refund given.

Can you please double check with your friend her version of events before I take this matter further.

Kind regards,

Clay Thompson
National Support Center
Spudbar Franchising Pty Ltd

My Follow up to the Epic that is SPUD

Dear Clay,

Thank you for your prompt response. I can appreciate that it is not easy to run a large organisation, and I am pleased to hear your dedication in creating a consistent brand. I am happy to accept your sign of goodwill, and continue to use Spudbar in future, but would like to know what process or action you intend put in place that will give me confidence in using the same outlet again. Though Telstra Dome is a potential resolution it unfortunately is too far for me to commute in my lunch period.

My address is:

Cameron Davidson
C/- Robert Walters
Level 29
360 Collins St
Melbourne 3000



Spudbar reply - Quick and now I owe you a drink!

Dear Cameron,

Thank you for taking the time to compose the email and bring to my attention the situation at our Collins Street store.

Your associate’s treatment by our staff member is inexcusable and deplorable.

I have committed the last 7 years of my life to developing the Spudbar concept and building a brand with substance, integrity and decency.

The difficulties with building a business that is reliant on its people is that from time to time an employee with no respect for the customer or his / her self slips through the cracks.

I can assure you that I will give this issue my immediate attention.

In an attempt to compensate you and your friend for the inconvenience caused I’d like to offer you 6 Free Spud vouchers. This gesture is not intended to mitigate what happened but does go towards apologising for the behaviour of our staff member.

If you could please provide your postal address I’ll arrange for the vouchers to be sent to you.

If the damage done is to great then we invite you to visit another one of our locations ( Spudbar Telstra Dome is the next closest one to you ).

I’m sorry and hope to see you and your friend at a Spudbar outlet soon.


Clay Thompson
Chief Executive Officer
National Support Center
Spudbar Franchising Pty Ltd

Another anchise that has lost the plot - Spudbar

To Whom It May Concern:

Let me start by saying that I have been a customer of Spudbar for around 7+ years, first being turned on to your simple and delicious menu at your St Kilda location. This is where the reminiscing ceases.

Unfortunately as a company grows, you often lose sight and control of your core values, and as you expand your empire you bring on franchisees, and they employ staff thus diluting your control even further. This is still not a good enough excuse for what happened to my friend today.

My friend bought a spud from your Equitable Place (Collins St) location. Half way through eating her lunch she came across a hair that was about 30cms long. I’m sure I don’t need to express to you how physically sick it makes me feel when food is prepared as if we lived in a third world country with no health standards.

The issue is not so bad and can be an unfortunate mistake that can happen anywhere. What brings me to write this email (on behalf of my friend) is the treatment we were given when presenting the issue back with the Collins St outlet. A simple “sorry” and refund would have sufficed, but what we got was a cold hearted and abhorrent reminder as to why big franchises often lack any customer service when it comes to difficult situations.

The complete and utter lack of interest by the employee (who’s hair it most likely was) proves that Spudbar with all it’s “earth friendly” mumbo jumbo is merely another big corporate pulling our environmental heart strings to hand over our hard earned dollar. Simply put, stop masquerading as a business that “cares”! Reality check, you do care…..purely about money.

New slogan: Spudbar – Feeds (Head Lice) Well

Monday, 6 August 2007

Complaint about a complaint about a complaint

“Please contact the office in your state should you wish to talk to someone about your Red Rooster experience.”
To whom it may concern or whoever cares, if anybody,

I would like to begin this letter by referring to the above statement that I directly cut and pasted off your website, just in case any or all of you there have forgotten about it. It would seem to me that this is there so the general public, “YOUR CUSTOMERS”, can contact you about a positive or negative experience they had at your stores. Might I begin with saying, WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!

This is the third time I have contacted you about a particularly displeasing situation that I was subjected to and still NOTHING has been done. As I stated in my last email to you, I was pleased that I was contacted back so promptly by Ms Kim Quigley (Personal assistant to the Regional Manager & Victorian State Manager) who clearly stated that she had spoken to the area manager whose name is Simon Collard. Now, apparently, Mr Simon Collard was going to conduct an “Investigation” in the Fairfield store relating to my grievance. Ms Quigley then stated that I would be contacted by Mr Collard relating to the matter once this investigation had been completed. She then further stated that these types of complaints are taken very seriously. May I continue say, WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!

Not only has Ms Quigley fed me a load of garbage, she and Mr Collard have chosen to completely ignore me. This, on top of a most horrendous experience at your Fairfield outlet is nothing short of a slap in the face. Your total disregard for your customers is completely and utterly detestable on an epic scale and you should hang your heads in shame. I now, cannot distinguish which treatment is more upsetting. Either the initial pathetic and horrendously rude service I received or this blatant disregard from you relating to this complaint? Maybe you could help me out?....oh that’s right, nobody is listening or nobody cares, take your pick.

In conclusion, it is clear to me that this that your professionalism, customer service and respect, or lack there of, is nothing short of deplorable. It escapes me as to how your organisation survives conducting itself in this manner. However, what it does explain is the continued closure of several of your outlets. The magnitude of your total and utter incompetence is incontestably responsible for this. To quote your slogan, “Its gotta be Red”, let me give you the hot tip, NO IT DOESN”T!!!

Feel free to disregard this as well as I will be contacting the regional and Victorian state manager directly or whoever I can until someone gets their rear deservedly kicked.

Thankyou for “not” taking the time to read or “do” anything about this. I look forward to not receiving a reply.

Colonial Geared Investments - the conclusion

This is Part 4.

Part 1 is here.
Part 2 is here.
Part 3 is here.

I meant to post the follow up to this last week, but hey! I was on holidays, so there.

Anyway, I had given Colonial a week to respond to my complaint, and I hadn't received a response. During that time, St George Margin Lending wasted no time in sending me out the paperwork for me to complete and send in to them in order to get my new margin loan underway.

I felt that a week was enough, so I sent it in and was kinda shocked that 3 working days after mailing the paperwork to St George, I get a call from a rather nice lady by the name of Joan Berkery-Coleman from Colonial. Thinking that this was about my complaint, I geared up (bad pun) for the response.

She hadn't actually seen the complaint. Instead, she was ringing about the refinance paperwork that had landed on her desk. So I told her straight. They'd dropped the ball on the Platinum float, and their response to my interest rate query was unacceptable.

Joan took all of this well, and asked me to forward her a copy of my complaint, which I did. She took a deep breath and told me that they'd got a lot of new staff in their call centre and as a result, some of them are still learning the ropes.

She asked me if they could keep my business if they could match the rate that St George were offering. I said nice (it's less than Colonial's) but I would also like them to match St George's gearing ratios as well, which are also currently better than Colonial's.

She couldn't promise that.

Having already filed the paperwork with St George, I decided to proceed with the refinance, and told her. She said to me that if things go pear-shaped with my new margin lender, please get on to the phone to her directly, and she would arrange a special rate for me.

Rather nice, I thought.

Anyway, two days later, she sent me this:

Hi Dikkii,

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me on Monday. Whilst I am extremely disappointed to lose your business, I am very grateful to you for your candid feedback.

Every organisation undergoes a period of high staff turn over and unfortunately the Relationship Management Team in our Sydney office is no different. Our team will only benefit from your feedback and we have initiated additional training support for the new team members to ensure our high service standards are maintained at all times.

Please accept my apologies for the poor level of client service you have experienced.

As we discussed, at any time in the future, if you would like to renew your relationship with Colonial Geared Investment, I will be delighted to assist. In the meantime, I wish you continued success with your gearing strategy.

Yours sincerely,


Joan Berkery-Coleman
Executive Manager
Premium Business Services

I fired this back at her - she really did put in a bit of effort, I felt:

Hi Joan,

Thank you for your email. I really do think highly of the call that you made to me on Monday, which must be an unpleasant task.

The decision to re-finance is not a decision that one makes lightly, especially in light of the mountain of paperwork that accompanies it. As I said in our discussion on Monday, I have been largely happy with Colonial Geared Investments' service. It's just that I felt that the ball had been dropped a couple of times this year, and the email from your guys below (who continue to remain nameless) just really got me looking around for something different.

And if things don't work out between me and St George Margin Lending, rest assured that now I have your email address, you will be the first person I speak to about this. May I just say that as a shareholder and a former employee of the CBA, I found you to be respectful, courteous and I consider that were there more like you responding to emails, this wouldn't be such a serious issue.

I wish you all the best.

Yours sincerely, Dikkii.

I got this back, not long after:

Thank you Dikkii,

Your comments are appreciated greatly and I do look forward to speaking with you in the future.

Kind regards,


Joan Berkery-Coleman
Executive Manager
Premium Business Services

All done - but I still haven't got a response to my @#$%ing complaint.

Disclosure: This blogger owns shares in Commonwealth Bank of Australia (which owns Colonial Geared Investments) and Platinum Asset Management Limited.

Standard but necessary disclaimer: This is not advice. Only a complete idiot would think that any of this constituted advice. It's not even vaguely reasonable to consider this to be advice. If you are in any doubt as to the content of this, see a good, independent financial adviser immediately. They do exist.

Thursday, 2 August 2007

Flight Centre Reply - Freebies always win me over!

Dear Cameron,

I am sorry to hear you were disappointed with the service your received for your last holiday.

I would like to offer you a $50 credit in our store for use on a future holiday. For future reference, most hotels charge for parking and we do not advise on this. You should have been advised of extra fees due on your car. I suggest that next time you let your consultant know the bedding configuration you would prefer so they can take this into account when making a booking for you.

Your credit will be valid for use until 30 June 08 at Galleria Flight Centre and can be used for domestic or international travel, flights, accommodation or insurance.

Thank you for your feedback.

Kind regards,


Wednesday, 1 August 2007

Don't worry be Fatty (Not a complaint as such but I made it during a Krispy Kream session in our office)

With thick Jamaican accent.....
Here is a little song I wrote
About a Krispy Kream donut
Don't worry, be fatty.....
In every life we have some trouble
When you eat you fat will double
Don't worry, be fatty......

Ain't got no place to lay your head
Krispy Kreams equals dead
Don't worry, be fatty......
The land lord say your rent is late
Severe heart attack is fate
Don't worry, be fatty......
Look at me I am happy
Don't worry, be fatty......
Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style
No matter because I’m vile
But don't worry be fatty......
Cause when you worry
Your face will frown
Eat a Krispy Kream
And you heart will drown…in fat
So don't worry, be fatty (now).....