Friday, 19 December 2008


Sent this off to 3 this morning:

Dear Sir/Madam,

Re: Phone number 0425 XXX XXX

I have a complaint. I presently have no service on my mobile phone for inbound calls and text messages. It has been this way for nearly two weeks. Possibly even three.

I have lost count of the number of calls that I have made regarding this matter to get it resolved, only to be met by the response that it’s because of “Network issues.”

I spoke to Nam this morning was at least a little helpful, asking me to try various different settings with my phone before giving up and referring me to one of your shops with a repair ID.

To re-iterate, I cannot receive phone calls. I’m sure that I don’t need to tell you how inconvenient this is.

Or maybe I do: It is as inconvenient as a festering pustule on my bottom. And just like that sore, it is threatening to burst forth, exploding volcanically on to everything in the near vicinity with glorious golden pus. And maybe some blood.

Please get this fixed immediately. I use my phone for work purposes, and as a consequence I have been nigh on unreachable. I will not be paying a bill for this month, and am pretty certain that I deserve a credit for the previous two months bills as well.

Please email me back if you have any queries, because you will not be able to get me on my mobile.

Yours sincerely,




The Hulk said...

The 4th paragraph is nothing short of sensational!!!!
This is almost enough to get you 5 stars alone! Unfortunately you were held back by an average start. Excellent work though Dikkii. 4 and half stars!!!!

Dikkii said...

Thanks Hulk. I showed a couple of people in the office that paragraph and knew that it was comedy gold.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Hulk. The fourth paragraph is pure poetry

Dikkii said...

Thanks Simon.

Normally, I'd take the "poetry" comment to be an insult, but as it's coming from you, I'll take it as praise.