Friday, 22 January 2010

Nestle - Less is Less! - Mixed lollies...yeah right!

Dear Whoever,

I recently purchased a packet of you Allen’s “Party Mix” and I just wanted to give you some consumer feedback.

My first comment is around your definition of the word “Mix”. I suppose mix means an assortment to most people, but at Allen’s it means Bananas, Strawberry Creams and Jelly Babies. Perhaps in future you should call them “Allen’s Party Trio”, with the tag line “99% Fun Free”. I suppose you aim the product at children, who perhaps don’t care about what their lollies look like and are just as happy to eat turd shaped lollies, but for me it’s a swift kick in the face to think Allen’s is trying to pass off 3 kinds of lollies as multiple kinds in a “mix” bag.

I know what your response will be…”the machine packs each bag randomly…” but the simple fact is…I don’t care. If you are having trouble with the randomness of your selections, perhaps you should borrow an Infinite Improbability Drive like the one on the space ship “Heart of Gold”. I’m sure Zaphod Beeblebrox won’t mind lending it to you!

My second problem is with your “Instant Prize” competition. The idea of a competition is the undeniable chance to “compete”. Unfortunately due to the severe lack of instruction, one cannot partake in such competition. You competition is like putting Usain Bolt on a oval with no lines and asking him to “win”….bloody win what?! I dunno….read the instructions….what instructions…ohhh the really vague ones that don’t actually help….mmmm…they’re the ones.

Entering my “unique code”….There is no such thing on this packet. Click on “where to find unique code = it’s on the inside of the packet….I give you the mail…it’s not! Stupid competition, from a stupid company.

That is all.


The Hulk said...

Second complaint to Allens!! And it had to do with the mixing, however when I wrote mine it was due to there being a lack of bananas!!!

Pretty good, but not your best work. 3 star performance from the Hulk.

Dikkii said...

Actually, I quite liked the reference to Zaphod Beeblebrox' infinite improbability drive.

I've often wondered myself why they don't just have the machines kitted up to provide a "perfect mixture" each time. I think it would be more efficient.